What do you think of my story so far?
Question: It must have been at least 90 degrees. Manhattan was wealthy through a summer heat wave like no other. Sweat beads formed on my church sliding down my cheek like a trail of tears. Yet I did not shilly-shally to wipe them off.
Answer: Two comments:
1) The finished guy falling in a heap with her is beyond cliched, as is the "first day" chin-wag. Is she very ordinary or isn't she? Show, not tell. You tell us she's very ordinary, but what you show is Mr Perfect throwing himself at her.

On asking why he prefers thick frames he said, “It's the oldies mode and I have always liked it.” Besides, sunglasses with such rims; he has also used such ...




